17. New York City: Religion and Spirituality

Reverend J. Douglas Ousley has been a minister at the Church of Incarnation in New York City for 21 years. We wanted to meet with Father Ousley to get an expert opinion on the role of religion and spirituality in baby boomers’ lives. Father Ousley is surely an expert:

He has an undergraduate degree from Yale Divinity School and a MTh (Masters of Theology) from King’s College University of London. He has published articles in the Wall Street Journal and Christian Century, preached in St. Paul’s Church in London, and has been interviewed by the New York Times, Vatican Radio and Italian Radio.

As a baby boomer, Father Ousley finds himself grappling with aging, retirement, spirituality, religion and other issues facing so many boomers today. We were thankful to have the chance to speak with him and understand another side of boomers today.


Spiritual But Not Religious
Baby boomers were the first generation en masse to reject organized religion. “Everyone leaves church in their 20’s, that’s been happening for generations, but the baby boomers didn’t come back in their 30’s,” Father Ousley tell us. Instead, they explored different religions, from Eastern philosophy to materialism to careerism to sex, drugs and rock and roll. Certainly, all the press on the extreme right wing and church scandals arouse boomers' skepticism. However, Father Ousley feels that the absolute truths found in organized religion are particularly repellent for boomers. “They will not accept that there is only one answer, not only because of their education and intelligence” but also because of their strong sense of individualism and autonomy. Meanwhile, aging boomers still find the need to answer the difficult questions in life and reconcile personal conflicts. The result is that many boomers describe themselves as “very spiritual but not religious.”



Even when it comes to religion boomers rely on their individualism, autonomy and skepticism of authority to lead their path to finding a deeper meaning.

Aging and Spirituality
Aging is a difficult topic for anyone: psychologically, aging brings up your mortality, choices, regrets, etc… But for the generation who shouted, “never trust anyone over the age of 30,” the difficulties are even more profound. Their identity is wrapped up in their youth, their energy, and their power to affect, their desire to be listened to and affirmed. BUT in American culture, the older you are, the less you are valued by society: You are less useful. Less relevant. Less attractive. For so many boomers this conflict between self and society is incredibly difficult: For the woman whose self-worth is tied to her physical beauty; the man whose intelligence and experience is now seen as outdated. Many boomers turn to spirituality to help them find a new sense of themselves and appreciate who they are. They rely on it to confront society's ageism as well as their own.

For many Boomers spirituality helps them to face, appreciate and embrace their age and this time in their life. Perhaps brands can do the same—case in point Dove or Diane Keaton in the movie, Something's Gotta Give.

Consciousness is at the Heart of the Boomer Mindset
A continual theme with boomers is the fear of losing their mental faculties. We asked Father Ousley if he could shed some light on why boomers value their mind above all other things. Father Ousley believes that it stems from the 1960’s, the boomers’ formative years. Alzheimer’s disease, which is about being out of control and unaware is particularly terrifying-- But for baby boomers, it threatens the very core of who they are and what they treasure about themselves.

“Consciousness was a great word of the 60’s, to be conscious of things, to be more aware than the person over 30," Father Ousley says.

Consciousness was at the heart of the political and social movements of the 1960’s and a value boomers treasure today-- old age certainly won't take that away from them. Nothing will. We can see it in the organizations they challenge, the charities they are involved in, the truths they seek, the jobs the keep, the trips they take. Being aware of themselves and their environment is what boomers are all about.

Brands and products that help boomers stay smart and sharp are certainly important to boomers… but helping them to be conscious? That has a true emotional impact-- it is at the heart of who they are.

The Individualism of Yoga vs. The Mass Affluence of Evangelists
Throughout our xploration of baby boomers we found two very opposite trends in the spiritual and religious realms. On the one hand there is Yoga, an individualistic practice that challenges both the mind and the body. On the other there is the Evangelical movement: mega churches are sprouting up across the country with amenities like parking lot attendants and day-care.. We asked Father Ousley how this trend and counter trend could both appeal to the Baby Boomer generation.

Father Ousley thinks it’s the challenge of Yoga that attracts so many boomers. It is physically and mentally difficult and takes time to master. Yoga requires breathing techniques, good posture, emptying the mind and a strong focus on the self. “Its not like going to the bar and having a beer, its hard. There is a real pay back for it spiritually. You focus on yourself and ultimately you focus beyond yourself. But it clears your mind, it does all of the things that Christian prayer and meditation does.” It’s incredibly arduous and demands discipline and dedication to focusing inward on the self.

Conversely, the Evangelical churches connect boomers to a religious organization and the joys of the outside world: When you practice religion, you don’t sit in hard pews, you sit in theatre seats; you don’t listen to a sermon, you watch a skit or a play. It may be a soft sell on religion but Father Ousley believes that validating and celebrating people for who they are (as opposed to reprimanding them) appeals to the boomers. “It’s the self-affirmation, that you are really good, that everything is fine, that God loves you, Jesus loves you… boomers have always wanted that, so they keep on getting it and that is why they like it.”

From mastering a difficult skill to enjoying the comforts of religion, boomers want to be self-affirmed and recognized for their accomplishments, strengths and value.

For many, the 2nd act is one that gives back
Father Ousley thinks that the most hopeful contribution coming out of boomers’ difficulty with aging is their desire to make a difference in the lives of others. As boomers approach or delay retirement, many are shifting careers to one that is more altruistic. Father Ousley tells us about a very successful engineer, who decided to become a NY high school math teacher at the age of 45. Similarly, Father Ousely created a pilot with the NY Medical Center, which allows people to sign up and visit hospital patients who don’t receive many visitors. Many of the people who participate are baby boomers in their 50’s and 60’s.

Giving Back


Making a difference in the lives of others makes a difference to a boomer.

Helping Boomers Confront Denial
And for his own 2nd act? Father Ousely doubts he’ll leave the church but admits he has been thinking about writing a book to help boomers cope with aging, retirement and get the best out of life. “I have seen so many people retire and be miserable that there has to be a plan, there has to be a better way.” Father Ousley has read many books on old age and retirement and believes they are all terrible: they tell people what they already know and don’t address any relevant or real problems. Father Ousley wants to help boomers overcome the denial of aging, which he believes will liberate them and help them find a new sense of happiness and fulfillment. In a way, to overcome denial is a return to the essential baby boomer message: the truth will set you free.

The essential baby boomer message...